illustration by Marianna Ostrowska

sorry while i dip out of this place my eyes are glazed lips parted undecided and unstartled 

I got a few million synapses circulating you know 

It gets quite busy up here at times

An they all got their conflicts all lined up auditioning

To be the main character of the show

Though i talk to them out loud to regulate our process

Talk through patterns of chaos then contentment then crying for days

Shits madness

Im not completely subdued, so its okay

just enough to keep the dissension at bay 

til our discourse changes

im not completely subdued, im just okay

contempt takes it day by day

​

still…..im 

​

bending backward breaking bones to understand self disorder

out of control to understand 

like who was i before all of you

cant come to terms

cant coax our mood out of bed

cant keep them heavy as led on the floor til you come i pick up  our contempt

stoic and hellbent stockholm to all my sins

the right of passage is a confusing with no definite end

cross and stable

accomplice to all of my crimes

lights stay dimming while no ones home

no one but you

and whatever rope threads us together, 

cross stitched life of misfits

21 days it takes , they say, to form a habit.

3 years to challenge behaviours well - consider me a changed woman

consider me an accumulation of everything i didnt wanna do

And everything you wanted to

Consider this a pint of prose - its tedious

34 lines of improper sentences - a linguistics issue

I stay clambering through these stages im fucking homogenous with my own fine print

add all the disobedience i was born with

adaptation takes control til i'm enrolled in this new shit

life, expectations and growing pain myths 

another way to feel low in the pits

issa minor though

the less you try the harder it goes

For people like us